I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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