I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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