The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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