I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize