He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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