I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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