how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just had sex bonerless
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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