Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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