You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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