bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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