I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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