Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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