Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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