my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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