Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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