If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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