We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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