you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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