Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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