Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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