everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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