If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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