My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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