Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How naked do you want me to be?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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