I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize