oh god the rape fog is back!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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