What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize