After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found puke in my bra..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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