i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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