I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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