i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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