you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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