If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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