3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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