Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize