I cannot find my penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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