1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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