Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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