today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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