Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They have beer where we have blood.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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