Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Never joke about your clitoris.
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