we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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