i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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