At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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