Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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