I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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