I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize