On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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