I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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