How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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